Without You
by gigglesx3
Summary: Rory reacted badly when she found out Jess was gone. Will Rory's new reckless behaviour force Jess to come back and pick up the pieces he left behind?
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Rory reacts badly when she hears that Jess is gone. Will her new reckless behaviour force him to come back to pick up the pieces he left behind?**  
**

Disclaimer: Nope. If I did Jess would at least get mentioned more. Scratch that, he would be back on the show. The main character. Okay I'm done wishing now, enjoy!

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**Chapter One**

Time did pass, despite her wishes for it to stop and swallow her up into a black abyss of numbness. But pass it did, slowly, painfully, and in blur of seconds, minutes and hours. She found herself standing dazedly in her new dorm room, and like so many times in the last few months, couldn't quite remember getting there.

She trod slowly to her bedroom, almost zombie-like, stopping once she reached the mirror that sat on top of her dresser. The loss of will to do anything over the months that had passed had left her looking skinnier than ever, her complexion dull and her eyes lifeless. Her hair was darker from lack of sunlight and the jeans draping low on her hips were the smallest she owned; the only pair of pants she had that fit her apart from the pair of cargos she had when she was fifteen. She studied her faded dark green jacket that seemed to hang loosely from her; she would prefer black, but considering she had never owned an item of black clothing and couldn't muster up enough motivation to make a trip to the department store, this would have to do. And besides, it was his favorite color.

She was on her bed now, and she didn't even remember lying down. But she was so tired, and feeling glad to escape, she let her eyes droop; darkness engulfing her as the cheerful (did such an emotion still exist?) voices from the room over drifted further and further away.

"Sweetie, Jess is gone."

She couldn't remember when exactly it started, but the pain was crushing in on her from all sides. It hurt! It hurt so badly! And she was so scared because it wasn't getting better. She needed air, because she was feeling so dizzy, but she couldn't remember how to breathe. She felt like she would explode, and she wanted to cry, to sob, to curl up in a ball and never breathe another breath.

"Oh." She said, struggling to hold herself together.

"Do you wanna go home?"

She nodded because she couldn't speak.

She was curled up in a ball on her bed in her own bedroom. The last thing she remembered was being in the car. She couldn't remember how she got to her room or where her mom was. But right now all she could think of was the pain. She thought she would get home and tears would fall and never stop, but not a single one had escaped her. She wished it would because she felt that maybe it would feel like some of the pain was leaking out of her. She had this image of emotion filling her up like water, and bursting because it could find a way out. Cry damn it!

She was about to stand up. She felt like she needed to throw something through her window, but she couldn't because she was standing on their bridge. She felt a sudden wave of tranquility flow through her as she looked over the motionless water that perfectly reflected the bright starry night sky. She felt something tug on her hand, and it comforted her. She looked down to see that he was there pulling her to sit down beside him. She was suddenly sitting next to him, and wanting so desperately to feel the warmth of his body, leant into him. But he wasn't there. She looked up confusedly only to see he was now sitting on the other side of the bridge. She stood up and sat beside him again. She smiled up at him wanting to lighten the mood, but it seemed he didn't even notice her. He seemed to be in deep thought, his eyes focusing on some reflection in the water. She laughed because this was all so strange, and she found that she couldn't stop. He turned his head towards her and the laughter stiffened suddenly, something about his look terrified her. She tried to smile at him again to sway his mood but he was staring at the water again. She tried to say his name, but found she couldn't speak. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. She wanted to grab it, to trace her fingers gently along the creases, because he only ever ran his hand through his hair when he was nervous or frustrated, but it seemed her arms were weighed down heavily and she couldn't move them.

"Rory," He started, still not looking at her, "I should probably tell you that I never loved you."

She felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. She wanted to cry for him to please not leave, but somehow he was already gone. And suddenly she was drowning in the water, without remembering falling in. She burst with raucous laughter again, and her sides were convulsing so dramatically that she felt her ribs were going to shatter. She felt the ice cold water fill her lungs, and she was choking.

Her eyes shot open as she gasped for breath. Her chest was moving rapidly as her body revived itself with air, and glancing out the window she realized it must be around midnight.

"Rory?"

She heard Paris' voice from the doorway.

"What, Paris?" She said grumpily, getting up and throwing her shoes on, deciding she would go for a walk.

"You sounded like you were having a fit and - where are you going?"

Rory shrugged. "Don't worry I'll be out of your way. I know, you have to get up early in the morning. Sorry for waking you."

She looked back at Paris for a moment before leaving out the door with her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

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AN: Okay, so I know, not that interesting yet, right? Please drop me a review though to tell me what you think. I have already written to chapter three, so the more reviews, obviously the quicker the chapters will come.

Next chapter preview: It killed her that he would have to go away. All over again. So she buried her face in his chest, clinging onto him and vowing to never let go.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Rory reacts badly when she hears that Jess is gone. Will her new reckless behaviour force him to come back to pick up the pieces he left behind?**  
**

Disclaimer: Nope. If I did Jess would at least get mentioned more. Scratch that, he would be back on the show. The main character. Okay I'm done wishing now, enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Two  
**

By the time she had gotten back to the dorm it was nearing three in the morning. She spent the rest of the time consuming some sort of food and curling up on top of her bed covers. When the sunlight began to drift in through her window she drifted into another uneasy sleep.

It was ten past ten when she awoke again. She got up and remembered that she had her first class at ten. What was her first class again? She thought she may as well go to get her mind off of other things, so she pulled off her jacket and singlet, replacing it with the plain grey tee she found in her dresser and grabbed a notebook and pen off her desk.

She was probably about twenty minutes late as she entered her first class. Heads all across the room looked up and stared at her - normally this would embarrass her, except for the fact that she simply didn't care - as she made her way to one of the few remaining seats. The professor eyed her over for a moment before continuing on with his lecture as if there had been no interruption.

"Damn it, I should have thought about making an entrance like that. Nothing says 'I'm a party girl' like arriving to class half an hour late and hung over."

Rory turned to realize that she was sitting next to a girl with shoulder length light blonde hair, cropped at different lengths, and eyeliner that seemed to touch her cheek bones.

"Um, excuse me?"

"You were at the party last night, right? I mean that's why you're late, isn't it? It's just that now you've made your entrance as this hardcore party girl. You'll probably be on the invite list to every decent party for the rest of your college life. Man, you totally milked it too, coming in looking like that. I should be taking down tips. I'm Casey by the way."

Rory just nodded, not really being able to take in everything through her bubbly personality.

"So you gonna tell me your name or what?"

"Uh... Rory."

"Man, you must have been wasted last night."

"Sure." It gave Rory a strange feeling of satisfaction knowing that she was acting exactly like he would have, monosyllabic and nonchalant.

It seemed the class had ended because everybody was now standing and packing away their books.

"There's this party on tomorrow night that's for sophomores only, so of course I'm totally going. You should come with."

"No thanks."

"Well if you change your mind I'm in dorm 7b, you can come get ready with me. It starts at nine. Well, see ya Rory."

Rory sighed, standing slowly and grabbing her notebook and pen. She didn't really feel up to attending the rest of her classes today, so she made her way back to her dorm.

x---x---x---x

Her fingers were wrapped through his hair as he guided her slowly to the bed, not breaking their kiss once as he pushed her gently onto her back. He glanced at her for a moment as he brushed slowly up against her so that he could kiss her again. She felt her stomach flutter as he ran his hand up the side of her body and around her back to hold her close up against his warm body. He moved his lips from hers to her jaw, afterwards focusing on the spot on her neck she loved so much. His name slipped from her lips in a whisper that was barely audible. He pulled his lips away from her neck, and his deep brown eyes connected with hers, releasing another flutter of butterflies and a flush of her cheeks. He smirked at her as her hands clung around his jacket, bringing his lips back to hers. She began to move her hands slowly down the fabric, slipping underneath to trace his chest. Her heart began to splutter out of control as her hands then began to move downwards, almost as if they had a life of their own; her fingertips burning as they brushed past every inch of his skin.

"Rory." He groaned. It did not sound encouraging.

He pulled away and she looked at him uncomprehending. Cautiously, she began pulling against his jacket again, but he pulled away all too quickly.

"Jeez!" She said, feeling a strange sense of frustration that didn't seem to belong to her.

"Not here, not now!" He said defensively.

"Fine!" She yelled, as the embarrassment and pain of rejection began to sink in.

"What's wrong with you?" He said, still defensively but now slightly concerned.

"Nothing is wrong with me!"

"Someone could walk in that door!"

"And Santa Claus could come down the chimney, whatever." She grumbled, turning away from him.

"You did not think that it was going to happen like this, did you?"

She was about to answer, to say she didn't know what the hell she was thinking anymore, when she found herself again on the bed, the weight of his body pressed ever so rightly against hers once more. And that's when she realized that this was a dream. Because a jump back in time and a role reversal like that is not what happens in the real world. But her heart began to speed up again, because it didn't matter if it was a dream, he felt so _real _beneath her touch. Excitement flooded through her as she realized that nothing permanent happens in dreams, and that - even though it was not the real Jess there with her - she was going to take advantage of it. She pushed against him, finding it surprisingly easy to flip them over so that she was on top of him. Brushing her body tightly up against his, she kissed him with everything she had, memorizing every part of his body with her hands, before the sadness became overwhelming. She pulled back, feeling the warm tears run down her face as she stared into the perfect eyes of Dream Jess. She wanted him to be her first, but now she would never have him at all. She would have to leave this dream eventually and it killed her that he would have to go away. All over again. So she buried her face in his chest, clinging onto him and vowing to never let go. He wrapped an arm around her trembling body and brushed her hair gently with his free hand, whispering soothingly into her ear. Feeling safe in his arms, she couldn't help but drift off to sleep.

When she awoke she was in her own bed, and he was gone.

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AN: Please, please review! Because the more reviews I get, the more I write. And the more I write, the quicker the updates. And the quicker the updates, the sooner you get to see a messed up Rory, and the sooner Jess will find out and realise... well now I'm not gonna give away the whole story, so you'll just have to review won't you ;). 


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